An Aching Heart

17 Jan

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Apple Blueberry Pie

There are times in our lives when we are powerless to fix things for our friends and family, even though we would give anything to try.   With aching hearts we do what we can – we may bring food, or send flowers, or just sit and offer our condolences.  It doesn’t feel like much, but it is a way to let our loved ones know that we care.  And at times like these, they may really need to know that.

“You can pretend to care, but you can’t pretend to show up.” George L. Bell

Baking: An exact science or a way of life?

10 Jan

Cinnamon Swirl Bread

As many of you might imagine, I often have something baking in the oven at my house.  For me, baking has become as natural as breathing… and almost as life-sustaining.   As I child, I jumped at the chance to bake, and eventually became good at it.  Sure, I’ve had my share of baking mishaps – my first pie falling in the oven, my first loaf of bread that was so heavy it could have served as a doorstop,  but that is to be expected.  When we are learning a new skill, mistakes come with the territory. But when we make a mistake, we learn a lesson… and if we pay attention, we rarely do the same thing again.

When I was a young teen, my Mom told me that she would show me how to make Cinnamon Swirl Bread which was a big deal because my Mom really didn’t like to bake.  Together, we made a batch of bread dough and let it rise.  Once risen, my Mom took the dough and rolled it out into a rectangular shape and brushed it with melted butter.  Then she did something that seemed strange to me at the time.  She took the cinnamon-sugar mixture and placed it all one of the long sides of the rectangle, and then she rolled up the dough.  “But how does the cinnamon swirl happen?” I asked her, confused.  “That happens in the oven” my Mom explained as we put the loaves into their pans for the second rise.  It seemed magical to me and I couldn’t wait to see the finished loaves.

Well, now I know that’s not how it works.  When we took the loaves out of the oven, they looked beautiful, and smelled even better.  When we could wait no longer, we cut into the bread and discovered a “log” of cinnamon sugar in the center of each loaf.  There was no magic;  my Mom had just misunderstood  the directions.  Once we discovered the mistake, we laughed until we cried (and ate up every last crumb!)  I’m glad that my Mom made that mistake because in doing so she gave me the permission to do so as well.  What a gift!

Which reminds me of a conversation I had while visiting a friend recently.  Catherine was a nurse in the Navy, worked as an emergency room nurse, and is currently a nursing supervisor.  As I helped her clean up after dinner, she mentioned to me that she had been inspired by my year of pies and said that she could never do what I had done.  I was embarrassed because what she does everyday seems so much more inspiring.  Then I asked Catherine if she liked to bake.  She told me that because baking is such an exact science, she didn’t really do much baking.  Wow.  Perhaps because she deals with life and death issues all the time, she doesn’t want to add one more “science” to her load at the end of the day.  Who could take that kind of pressure?  In her job, if Catherine makes a mistake, someone could die, whereas in mine, we just end up with something that’s imperfect (at best) or headed to the trash (at worst).   Luckily for me, my job is much more forgiving.

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Apple Blueberry Pie

As is usual, I made a few pies this last week.  One was sent to a woman I’ve never met.  She read this blog and told me a bit about herself and the challenges she was facing and asked to be considered for a chocolate pie, and because I could, I sent her one.  It was the same Brownie Pie recipe that I’ve mailed to others (and the only “pie” that I feel comfortable mailing) but sending it off to this “new” friend felt like I was offering a glimmer of hope for better times.

The other pie that I made this week went to a friend who recently had a fire in her home.  When we spoke, she told me about all the things that have happened in her life in the last few years.  Just listening, I felt tired for her and so I asked her, can I bake you a pie?  “Oh you’re sweet” she said, “but you don’t have to do that.”  I know, but that’s part of the fun… I don’t have to do this “pie baking stuff”… I want to.  It makes me happy to do it, and I’ve noticed that the happiness doesn’t end with me; it tends to spread.  And that is a good thing.

Before I go, I wanted to mention that I also baked a few other treats this week because on January 24, I will be teaching a gluten-free baking class at the Ashland Food Coop and I wanted to test my recipes for clarity, timing, etc.  I’m very excited to have the opportunity to share my love of baking with others and I want to thank Mary Shaw at the coop for encouraging me to do this.

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Gluten-Free Peanut Butter Cookies

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Gluten-Free Chocolate Cake with Chocolate Sour Cream Frosting

“We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It’s our privilege and adventure to discover our own special light.” Mary Dunbar

 

Akemashite Omedetou Gozaimasu, Stastny Novy Rok, Godt NytÅr (Happy New Year! in Japanese, Czech, and Danish)

2 Jan

happy new year

How did it get to be January 2, 2013 so quickly?  It was a busy December for me with lots of catering (thank you everyone!) and then we were away for Christmas with both of our children… and then, BAM, Happy New Year!  I don’t know about you, but even though it arrived fast, I am excited about the possibilities!

I’m not really into New Year’s resolutions but in the past few days several friends have shared interesting links and I thought I would share with you some of my favorites.

Since I am still baking almost every day,  yesterday I decided to bake a pie for someone to celebrate the New Year.  As I thought of who might be a good recipient, I soon realized that many of my friends are on diets right now… and I didn’t want to be the reason someone fell off their diet.  I continued to think about a recipient, and found one right in my neighborhood.  One of our neighbors is an older man who lives alone… and that’s all I needed to know as I put together a quiche for him.  When the quiche was ready, I walked over to his house with a friend and surprised him with a piping hot quiche.  My neighbor beamed a smile at me and I was reminded of how good it feels to do something nice for someone… “just because.”

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Pepper, Onion and Cheddar Quiche

Here is wishing you all a very happy, healthy, joy-filled New Year!

Love doesn’t make the world go round.  Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.  Franklin P. Jones

 

“Home” for the Holidays

24 Dec

Alexandra

A few days ago, my daughter, Alexandra, flew from New York to spend the Christmas holiday with us.  What seemed to be a pretty simple plan – fly from LaGuardia to Medford, Oregon – proved to be anything but.  After arriving at the airport (via taxi because of all the bags she was carrying) she was told by the agent at the US Airways counter that her flight had been cancelled.  The agent then told her that they would put her on a flight out the next day.  “No… I need to get home today” Alexandra told the agent.  In short order, the agent told her that she could get on a flight that day… but that flight was out of JFK.  “But I just spent $55 to get here for my flight” Alex told her.  “Save your receipts and tell that to customer service… but if you want to leave today, you need to get to JFK,” was the reply.

Alexandra did as she was advised and took a cab to JFK in plenty of time to board the plane for the west coast, but as sometimes happens, that flight was delayed for more than an hour. That  would not have been a problem if that one flight had led to her ultimate destination, but unfortunately, it did not.  When the plane finally arrived in San Francisco, Alexandra and another passenger ran for the Medford flight… thrilled to find that it was delayed and still at the gate.  They happily boarded thinking that they would only arrive twenty minutes later than their originally scheduled time.    But that didn’t happen either.  Instead, for numerous reasons too mundane to relate, the plane did not take off for almost two hours!  When Alexandra and I last spoke I told her that I would pay for her cab because I couldn’t stay awake waiting for her any longer.

The next morning Alex shared the details of the trip… and the delightful seat-mate that she had met who took her home when they finally arrived in Medford.  My grateful heart wanted to thank that woman for taking care of my daughter in the wee hours of the morning… and so, I made a pie.  I gathered apples, walnuts, and raisins and a crumb topping and in short order had a pie in the oven.  Later that day, Alex and I drove to the woman’s home… and discovered that she had moved into the home where Alexandra’s singing coach used to live.  What a small world… and what a wonderful coincidence!

Apple Pie assembly

A few days after Alexandra arrived home, she, her Dad, and I, packed up the car and drove to Missoula, Montana where her brother, Coco lives,  so that we could all spend the holiday together.  On our journey here, we spent the night with friends, Shawn and Catherine, in the Dalles laughing, playing “Last Word“, and sipping red wine.  Yesterday we drove the last 400 miles or so, listening to the book “Cutting for Stone” on the CD player.  We realized last night that it has been 4 years since we were all together for Christmas.  We are enjoying this snowy Christmas eve in a warm kitchen, listening to old vinyl records, while Daddy Emile prepares the turkey for our feast.  I feel pretty darned lucky right now.

Apple Pie

To close, I want to share these few words from a book entitled “Have a little faith” by Mitch Albom.  I love his stories (Tuesdays with Morrie,The Five People You Meet in Heaven) and this one is just as good, but is a true story.   In the epilogue, he shares this memory.  He is talking with the Rabbi and asks him what he would do if he had five minutes alone with God.  The Rabbi says that with the first minute he would ask God to help his family members.  With the next three minutes he would ask God to counsel those who were suffering.  And then Mitch asks, what about that last minute?  And the Rabbi says this is what he would say:

“Look, Lord, I’ve done X amount of good things on earth.  I have tried to follow your teachings and to pass them on.  I have loved my family.  I’ve been part of a community.  And I have been, I think, fairly good to people.

“So, Heavenly Father, for all this, what is my reward?”

And Mitch asks, “what do you think God will say?”

“He’ll say, “Reward?  What Reward?  That’s what you were supposed to do!”  And then Mitch and the Rabbi laugh together for a long while.

Tonight, I send you my best wishes for a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and whatever it is that you celebrate with the people you love.

family-card

Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.  ~ Confusious

A Visit with my Dad

9 Dec

Florida Shells

Beautiful Sea Shells!

Last week I visited my Dad in Florida.  It had been a while since I’ve seen him and I just wanted to spend some time together catching up.  It’s also nice to escape the cold of a northwest winter for a few days in the warm sunshine.  And just check out those pretty shells that I found on the shoreline!

Me and Dad

Dad and me at Boynton Beach

While I was in Florida, I decided to make a few pies.  One was for my Dad’s girlfriend Eileen, and one was for her daughter Joanne who’d just had her third baby.   And while making pies is relatively easy for me, I found it a bit of a challenge because my Dad didn’t have a rolling-pin or a pastry cloth.   I searched the fridge and cupboards and found something that worked out just fine: a cold bottle of wine and a large Ziploc bag.  Perfect!

rolling out the dough

My make-shift rolling-pin

Once I had the pies made, we first delivered one to Eileen…  and then we visited  Joanne’s family and met their new baby, Bryson.  I even got to sit and hold him for a while… which was just delightful!

eileen and pie

Eileen with her Sweet Potato Pie

I came home late Thursday, and spent many hours (13+) in planes and airports (likely because I had used a mileage award ticket for this trip) and it took a day or two to feel like myself again.

Once I was “back to normal” (normal for me that is) I got busy making another pie.  I had recently been given an apple peeler/corer by my friend Caroline and pulled it out today.  It works great!  And to think I didn’t have this help last year when I was making a pie a day… just think of the time I might have saved!

sarah pie prep 2

sarah pie prep 1

Sarah's pie

The finished Apple Pie

Early this afternoon, I delivered this pie to a friend who has family visiting.  I knew she wouldn’t be able to cook for them and I wanted her to have something homemade to offer them.  After all,  what could be better than sharing yummy food with people you love?

“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”  A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

 

Imagine…

20 Nov

 

Two weeks ago, I attended a Jennifer Knapp concert at Southern Oregon University.  Ms. Knapp is a singer/songwriter who as a young woman made a name for herself in the Christian music scene, and my church (along with a few other churches and the Queer Resource Center) helped bring her to Ashland.  And while her music is riveting, it was not the only reason for her visit.  You see, Jennifer Knapp was adored as a Christian “rock star” until she came out as gay.  Then things changed.   The “Christians” that had loved her music before, now turned their backs on her.  She was no longer considered one of them.

Ms. Knapp shared her spiritual journey with the audience.  She explained how she tried to leave Christianity behind, but felt that the teachings aligned with her core beliefs… and came to the conclusion that even though she was “gay”, she was also a Christian.

After the concert, Jennifer took questions/comments from the audience.  The one that moved me to tears went as follows.  A woman in her forties shared that she had recently come out to her family, and that since that time her son has had nothing to do with her.  She asked what she could do to and Jennifer said, “Love him.  Whenever you see him, love him.  You can’t change him… but you can love him.”

Jennifer sounds like a Christian to me, by golly.   But wait, she’s gay?  So the fact that she is loving, accepting, and forgiving doesn’t count then, right?  Right.

A few days ago I saw on Facebook that it was the one year anniversary of this post, I am Christian, unless you’re gay.  It’s a great article, and if you haven’t read it yet, I encourage you to do so.  The author, Dan Pearce tells us about his friend “Jacob” who is gay… and he goes on to say that his article is not about homosexuality, instead – It’s about love. It’s about kindness. It’s about friendship.  

Jacob had asked Dan to share with his audience (Dan writes the blog, single dad laughing) how it feels to be gay in a conservative Christian community.   Here is a quote from that article, “You don’t know what it’s like to have your own parents hate you and try and cover up your existence. I didn’t choose this. I didn’t want this. And I’m so tired of people hating me for it. I can’t take it anymore. I just can’t.”  

After reading the article, my heart ached for Jacob and the fact that he is virtually being shunned by the community in which he lives for being who he is – the person God made him to be.  My head raced with questions: Who are we to tell another person how to live their life?  What gives us the right to judge them?  What part of that kind of this behavior is “being Christian?”

From all the stories that I have heard about Jesus, I just can’t imagine him turning his back on anyone.  One story that many are familiar with (and one of my favorites) is the about the woman who is to be stoned to death for being an adulterer (according to ancient law).  Jesus does not question the law, but instead says “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”

It seems that we are still acting like those ancient people – wanting to find fault with others (and throw stones) because they are not like us – or they’re not acting like we think they should act.   And when we are focused on others, we remain blissfully blind to our own shortcomings.   But try to imagine what the world might be like if we tried to be more like the man from whom we have the word “Christian”?   I think it’d be pretty amazing… don’t you?

Yesterday I brought a Chocolate Cream Pie to the Queer Resource Center at SOU to thank the people who helped to bring Jennifer Knapp to our area… and to recognize them for all they do to make the university a welcoming place to all students.

You may say that I’m a dreamer, But I’m not the only one.   I hope someday you’ll join us,  And the world will live as one.   John Lennon

 

The Wrong Number… or was it?

7 Nov

A few days ago I prepared some gluten-free Manicotti for an older friend who is moving to Portland.  I thought having a ready-made meal would make the week before moving a bit easier.  After the Manicotti was finished, I dialed her number to let her know what I’d done and ask when I could bring it over.  After a few rings, a very tired voice answered the phone.

“Oh my Sharon, did I wake you?” I asked, feeling terrible for disturbing her.  “No” she answered, “I’m not feeling well.” “I’m so sorry… do you need anything?”  “No… I’ve got people taking care of me,” she replied, “What can I do for you?”  Confused and still feeling bad about disturbing her, I said “Oh that’s okay. I can call back when you are feeling better.”  And then she said, “I don’t think I am going to get better… you’d better tell me now.”  “What”? I thought, Sharon is supposed to move in a few days!   I quickly explained that I had made her Manicotti… that she could share it with a friend or her daughter… and that is when she said, “I think you’ve got the wrong number.  My name is ______ _______. ”  Immediately I apologized profusely for disturbing her… and then the call was over.

Oh my.  I felt awful.  I’d accidentally called an acquaintance, which is not hard to do in a small town, and I had just found out that she was not well.  What do I do?  What would you do?

The easy thing to do would have been to let it go… say a prayer wishing her well and go on with my life.  And for a few days, I tried just that.  Finally yesterday I gave in to the desire to do something to show that I cared by preparing a pie.  I didn’t think that she would be able to eat it necessarily, but she’d said that she was being cared for by others, so I knew that there would be someone there that she could offer it to.

When the pie was done, I looked up the address and drove over to my friend’s neighborhood.  The house was dark, and I knocked softly.   There was no answer so I left the pie on her doorstep. After I got back home, I called and left a message on her machine explaining that I was the “wrong number” from the other day…offered my apology again… and any assistance that she might need.

A while later my phone rang and it was my friend calling to thank me for the “still warm” pie.  We talked for a few minutes and without asking she shared her very serious diagnosis and her fears.  My heart ached for her… because of what she faces… and because I had no answers.  All I could offer her was my concern… and food, whenever she wanted it.   She thanked me again, and after a few more minutes, we said goodbye.

Even though I cannot fix anything for my friend, I am glad that I followed my instinct to reach out.  Though it is painful to know that she is suffering, I have shown her in my own way that I care.  Henceforth, I will keep her in my prayers, hope for a miracle, and be thankful for the mistake that brought me such a rare and meaningful opportunity.

There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.  Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

November Musings: Loss, Limitations, Public Radio, and Birthdays

1 Nov

Last week I catered the annual memorial celebration for Ashland Community Hospital Hospice at the Ashland Community Center.  The room was decorated with twinkling lights, soft music played, and candles glowed inside paper bags with butterfly cutouts – each with the name of a loved one lost.   It was a beautiful way to honor those who have died in the last year and I was thankful to be a part of it.

After the celebration, I packed up the few leftovers and headed home.  As I approached the plaza area I noticed a group of young people sitting together – one of them holding a sign that read “Looking for a Helping Hand.”  As soon as I could, I pulled my car over and gathered up cookies, a pitcher of hot cider, a few paper cups, and walked over to the group.

As I approached the group, I was a tiny bit fearful of how my gesture would  be received because these kids have been living on the streets and perhaps have become jaded.  I shouldn’t have worried because as I gave out the cookies and cider I was met with grateful smiles and sweet comments.  When I reached the young man who had been holding the sign, I saw that he was missing a hand and also noticed his beautiful, clear blue eyes.

After I left the young people, I drove home thinking about that young man.   I often ponder what life events lead a person to choosing to live on the streets.  Did he learn that he was “less than perfect” from his family of origin?  Or was it something he decided on his own.  Will he ever find his true potential or has he given up forever?

I’ve been haunted (no seasonal pun intended) by that young man all week and then yesterday I was sent this link and unless you’ve been hiding under a rock (like I must have been) you probably have already seen it.  It is the audition of a young man named Emmanuel for the show The X Factor.  This young man and his brother were born in a war zone in Iraq and left at an orphanage as toddlers.  And fortunately they were lucky to be adopted by a family who helped them see a world of possibilities instead of limitations.

We all face roadblocks or limitations in our lives, and many of them are self-imposed.  Perhaps we hear voices from the past telling us we are not good enough… or that we will never make it… or that we are unlovable.   Many of us have supportive friends and family who help us move past these stumbling blocks, while others  do not.  And still I am wondering, what can we do to reach out and help?  I don’t have the answer… but would love to work with others towards one.  I’ve been lucky… and want to pay that forward as best I can.

Apple Almond Pie for Jefferson Public Radio

Oh.  This blog is supposed to be about pies… Well, I did manage to give away a pie last week as well.  During the pledge drive,  I delivered an Apple Almond Pie to the folks at Jefferson Public Radio.  I am so grateful for the on-air staff (Maria Kelly, Brad Ranger, Eric Teel) and the behind the scenes folks (especially Sue Jaffe) who work tirelessly to bring us the news, information and music we enjoy.  You guys are awesome!

Finally, I want to send heavenly birthday wishes on this day to my dear friend Irene Orselli and to my Grandpa Powell… and chocolatey birthday wishes to Bob Edwards!

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.  ~Mother Teresa

 

“SMART” begins again… and to celebrate: Apple Pie!

21 Oct


Last week began another year of SMART reading for those of us who volunteer with this organization.  As I’ve mentioned many times, I am a huge fan of the SMART program because its’ goal is to help young people become “confident and successful readers.”  Each week from mid-October to mid-May, volunteers spend one hour reading to two children… and once a month each child receives a book to keep.  It’s easy, it’s rewarding, and it’s so very important to their educational success.

The SMART website states that:  Learning to read is one of the most important steps in a child’s life, laying the vital foundation for future knowledge and education. Prevailing research proves that shared book reading and the availability of books in the home during a child’s first, formative years are the strongest predictors of early literacy skills. SMART provides both.

I’ve been a SMART reader for a long time – and I hope to continue to be one for many years to come.  Reading to my own children when they were younger was a favorite activity for me.  I still have most of their books and I plan to read them with my grandchildren one day… and until then I will be happy sharing those same books with children who have not yet heard the stories.

And now for the funny (as in a little bit strange) part of my week… Last Monday I met a young woman named Ally who seemed very familiar.  It took a little while for me to realize that I was her SMART reader more than a dozen years ago!   Ally then told me that she still has all of the books that she received through the program – which I think is a very good indication that she enjoyed her time in the program.

The next day I made an Apple Crumb Crust Pie for Ally’s mom, Cathy.   While I’ve not seen Cathy in a long time, at one time we were volunteers together… and I’d just been reminded that those moments spent volunteering are pretty special indeed.

It is not true that we have only one life to live; if we can read, we can live as many more lives and as many kinds of lives as we wish.
S.I. Hayakawa

SMART readers are always needed – If you have an hour a week to give to SMART, and live in Jackson County, please call this number: 541-734-5628, or go to their website, www.getsmartoregon.org.  Thank you!

 

The Hand that Rocks the Cradle….

10 Oct

There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one.  Jill Churchill

Quiche Prep

Yesterday my friend stopped by and told me that her Mother had passed away a few days ago.  She told me that she was there at her bedside when her mother took her last breath and that she’d been able to spend some time with her sister who had been the main caregiver.  She shared how glad she was to have been there and how hard it was for her now that she was back home.

How well I know that feeling!  Having lost several family members, I know how hard it is to get back into your normal routine when you can’t help but feel that your world has forever changed.  And it has changed, whether or not it is apparent to others.  Life will be different from now on and that is not an easy thing to accept or to live with.

My own Mother has been gone for nearly 24 years.  I tried to make sense of that today.  Was her work on earth done?  Had she taught me everything she needed to?  I don’t think so.  But she did the best she could in the time that she had… and for that I am forever grateful.

Tonight I made a quiche for my friend to help her through this very difficult time of loss.   It’s just a small gift of food – but hopefully one that will help her realize that she has friends who care for her and understand what she is going through.

Life began with waking up and loving my mother’s face.  George Eliot

Spinach, Mushroom, and Sun-dried Tomato Quiche