An Apple Pie for Lauretta and Uwe in Berlin.
When I was a little girl, I heard a lot of things from the adults around me that didn’t serve me well. This phrase was popular, “Good girls should be seen and not heard (wtf?).” And then there were a number of phrases that began, “Nice girls don’t ………… (fill in the blank)”. For me, talking back was not acceptable… and if someone said something mean to me, I was not permitted to stand up for myself. Often I heard about the troubles the other person was having (marital problems, etc.) and was asked to be compassionate. I was taught to care for others, but not myself. I was a nice girl… and I became a nice woman.
Well, it’s taken a long time, but I’ve decided that I don’t want to be nice anymore. Here is the definition of the word nice: pleasant, agreeable, satisfactory. Who wants to be referred to as satisfactory? What a wishy-washy word (wishy-washy is defined as feeble, lacking in strength or boldness)! There are a host of words that I would prefer to be called rather than nice, including but not limited to the following: courageous, strong, compassionate, funny, determined, loving, reliable, generous, spontaneous, intuitive, passionate, even crazy. But please don’t call me “nice.”
A few years ago, when my ex told me about his affair, he thought my response would be “I’m so happy for you.” Clearly, he thought I was that “nice”. A few days later, he asked me to watch a movie, and I agreed. But instead of sitting with him on the couch, I stood and ironed his shirts. Was I being nice? Not at all. I was doing something I knew how to do as I tried to figure out what had happened to my world.
While I might have wanted to dump manure on his lawn, scream at him in public, or toss his stuff in the street, I didn’t. I was trying to be mature, dignified, and I was learning to walk with grace. Truly, being nice had nothing to do with it.
In closing, I acknowledge that this post is a bit of a departure for me… I’ve shared more here than I have in a while. My hope is that in so doing, someone out there may feel more comfortable sharing their story or at least they’ll know that they’re not alone.
Pie prep in Berlin… using a wine bottle for a rolling pin!
“When you write your truth, it is a love offering to the world because it helps us feel braver and less alone.” Glennon Doyle Melton
Happy 24th Anniversary in Heaven to my sister, Nancy. I wrote about that day in this post… and about Nancy here so I won’t go over it again. I want to say I was so lucky to know her… we shared many happy times and many silly jokes. I miss her more than I can say.
Nancy with her two biggest loves… Jimmy and Wayne.
Pie a Day Give Away 